Auditions pile up ’23

Image: Jeffrey Mundell in DGT Retiro

My first audition of 2023 raced in as the year sped off and I thought: Here we go – let’s get this show on the road! Then three jobbing months limped by.

It’s been a stuttering start, crawling off the back-fire of the last three years. I won’t lie – my engine has taken a knock and I struggled to get up to speed ahead of the second of this year’s starting grids. Yep, that’s a grand total of two auditions in the last four months! From what I’m hearing, many of us are seeing ignition failure in the casting department this year. It’s depressingly quiet. The turbos are far from boosting.

Auto analogies aside, both of my auditions have surprisingly been of the face-to-face variety – unusual with the current trend towards self-tapes where you film and edit your own audition remotely. Both systems have pros and cons. I find being in the room, able to ask questions and take direction useful – especially when the actual director is present.

This latest audition was a commercial casting where actors are grouped in a variety of combinations, then held a while longer to play the scene again in a different group and so on – unlike the common two-minute, hit-and-run type.

I’m pretty certain I was kept for over an hour by mistake – honestly didn’t feel I was firing on all cylinders. Regardless, staying longer does give one the feeling of being in the running, a little boost to the confidence: you’re still a contender. It also doesn’t take long for a room of actors to spark up conversation. Simply sitting amongst the actory chit-chat, a sense of connectedness and belonging starts to seep into those parts that are feeling the grind – some good, clean oil to smooth the ride…

Onwards and upwards.

Hiatus end…

Been meaning to do this again for quite some time – the last was in the 90’s with an SLR camera and 35mm film – 24 years! Now having a go with a TLR system and medium format film – metering the light and keeping note of my settings. What a joy playing with cameras from the 60’s – almost unbelievable that they still work! Will need to improve my scanning – I shot the negative with a macro lens on a rudimentary lightbox – good enough to see for now.

One man’s garbage…

To be a contender in this fierce business I have to do great work. Like most actors, however, I have in my back-catalogue a number of pretty shaky performances. Some of them lurk online or lie hidden on a forgotten tape, disc or hard-drive – waiting to be sniffed out.

(Scene practice from a Hi8 tape, 2009)

What does it cost me when someone uncovers my overacting in a student film, or that ropey accent on an audition tape, or the fight scene that looks more like a pair of amorous baboons? How do I stop these botch jobs setting me back? How am I supposed to hide this garbage?

How envious I am of those lucky few actors who, at the outset of their careers, by profound good fortune, are shot out of a canon to the top of the business, surrounded by an army of professionals who make them appear to have only ever possessed the seasoned skill of a Brando or Blanchett.

While they string together an untarnished catalogue of show-pieces, I’ve mostly worked with other creatives-in-development producing results that are, all too often, half-baked. And then I make the big mistake: I let these ‘half-baked’ attempts hold me back – I start to make comparisons, my insecurities rise and my confidence falls. Yes, if I want to improve I must be honest about my limitations, but it’s all too easy to forget the realities of fortune and favour in this uneven business and fall into the trap of thinking my limitations somehow make me inferior. My resources may be inferior, but my potential is certainly not.

Let’s face it – I am not surrounded by an army of professionals protecting my image. Even if I had been, the highs would come with inevitable lows (and if I’m being completely fair – some of those ‘lucky’ few actors shot out of the canon go splat).

So, what do I do with these bloopers, blunders and boo-boos?

The fact is that my progress as an actor, the good and the bad, is going to be on record. What other people think of it is also beyond my control. I can’t hide from these facts. So here’s the deal:

There is no such thing as a failure – only a result. And every result offers me a lesson – a nugget of knowledge that helps me grow better at my craft. The best acting I ever do will be thanks, in part, to my worst. One day, when my skill is undeniable, a catalogue of performances reaching all the way back to my fumbling beginnings will stand as proof of my commitment to my art and a never-ending drive to improve; a testament to humility and tenacity; and a beacon for all those actors out there, ashamed of their slips and trips in this tricky business, that we have nothing to hide.